The Witch’s Rock Tale

What is it with witches and keeping people in cages?

Ladies and gentlemen, turn the lights down low and shut your faces as I tell you story of a really scary rock wall. This is good, I swear.

Once upon a time, in a big house on top of a big, rocky hill, there lived a witch. This witch had a husband and a son, and aside from the whole witch thing, they were a pretty normal, happy family. Unfortunately, the father, being kind of a jerk, decided one day he wasn’t really into being married to a witch, and left with narry a farewell. The witch promptly redirected all of her love and caring toward her son, but her son wasn’t much of a fan of helicopter parenting, and he took off as well.

Credit: Natalie Bruno

With the loss of her love and child, the witch was stricken with grief, and let out a powerful wail so loud that it split the hill under her house right in half! And then someone paved a road in there at some point, but that’s not important. The witch wanted kids to look after more than anything, so in a move that really plays into stereotypes, she started stealing children. The witch would imprison her captives’ souls within the large rock wall that was created by her wail. The only problem was that there was a big, square hole in the wall that souls could escape from, which she remedied by installing a heavy iron gate. Sometimes, practical solutions work best.

It is said that if you venture to the rock wall at night and touch the bars of that gate, you’ll set one of the witch’s captive souls free, and they’ll escape in a spark of light. You’d better high-tail it out of there afterward, though, because that witch is still living on top of that hill, and she gets really cheesed off when people set her souls free. Like, the Hulk times ten.

The holiday sandwich will be returning to McDonalds The McDonald's cult classic BBQ sandwich the McRib is...
(Photo: Shot by Cerqueira) This Halloween will be once in a blue moon You might know the expression "once in a...
(Photo: Esther Tuttle) Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton celebrate engagement Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton...
The World's Largest Tweet was no easy feat GMC received a lot of media attention after announcing the release...
(Photo: NASA) NASA debunks myths for Halloween #AskNASA special The NASA agency will be celebrating Halloween...
(Photo: Annie Spratt) Banksy painting worth nearly $10 million at auction The latest Banksy painting "Show Me...
Ryan Murphy has worked his magic yet again The famous musical will be stepping off the Broadway stage to make...
(Photo: General Motors) From gas-guzzler to planet-lover The car that popularized the term "gas-guzzler"...
(Photo: YouTube) Art exhibit bringing awareness to single-use plastic waste A Brooklyn-based artist, Robin...
(Photo: Casto Photography & Cinema) Fun activities for a break from screen time With most of the world...
(Photo: wikipedia; Rex Features) Lady Gaga takes on new acting role for 'Gucci' film A star was literally...
(Photo: Showtime) "Dexter" is making a comeback in 2021 Showtime is celebrating the comeback of the vigilante...